Saturday, February 4, 2012

Holy Sh*t....

Sometimes I still am amazed that somehow the universe made me a mom. I still have moments of looking at Liam and thinking "Wow, this is really real. I am his MOM! I'm the mama....."

Most of the time I just go about my day and he is just so much a part of my life that I can not even imagine my life another way. Even my day dreams and stories I make up in my head all have Liam in them now. I can not NOT have him be on my mind constantly. 

Right now I am sitting here making a grocery list... ground beef, cheese, fruit, frozen veggies.... and it hit me that I am planning my meals based on what I can cook that LIAM might want to eat. I can not cook something that is not toddler friendly anymore. Or that can't have a portion modified to be toddler friendly. (like soup.... he would just spill that down his front, but I can mix soup with mashed potato or just pull out the veggies and stuff for him.)

Even before he was born I just accepted him as he was and modified my life to fit around him and his needs. My life was no longer about me first, suddenly this tiny little person was all that mattered.

But sometimes it just hits me all over again.... HOLY SH*T, I'M THE MAMA!

This is my baby. This is my son. And he is doing just fine.... somehow this is really happening and I am not making a mess of it. He is smart and healthy and as kind as a tiny human with no social awareness can be. He loves animals and picks up his crayons when I ask him to. He loves Milky Way bars and fruit leather, he likes small shiny cars and colorful blocks. He has great eyes and can spot something he wants from across the room and make a beeline for it. He can bring you your shoes, or his shoes, he can put his laundry away, he knows that a kitty is not a doggy (but everything else is a doggy still) and he will soak you every single bath time by giving you a wet naked baby hug on his way out.

I am actually doing this.

Most of the time it is effortless and as simple and natural as breathing.

But I am still amazed that this is real. I will never stop being amazed that I have this most amazing little boy.

And at times it is just so overwhelming that I just sit here and am struck by the wonder of it all, over and over again.

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