Onward and Upward!

As 2009 closes down all I wish is that I had a little more time.

Time to get the gifts for my family together, (sorry for christmas being late from me!) Time to get out and do more at the end of the day. Time to spend doing the things I WANT to do and not the things I HAVE to do.

But in all the scramble, I am now having to watch my time more carefully.

I was dignosed with gestational diabetes, which means I now can not go more than 4 hours without eating, and that I have to skip almost ALL the sugar out there. I have to eat at certain times for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and check my blood sugar 2 hours after I finish eating. And have snacks in between those meals, and before bed.

Being careful what I eat, and needing to make a bigger deal out of it, is making me feel uncomfortable. I feel like I am a slave to my food now. I would kill for a glass of orange juice (the only thing I have craved this whole time) and when I DON'T eat carbs in my meals, my blood sugar drops, but I didn't eat that many carbs to begin with, it was mostly fruit, juice, and yes, sodas, that raised my sugars. And the occasional bit of chocolate.

So far I have been good about the diet, since being put on it 3 days ago. Only thing that was bad, was that yesterday I woke up from an afternoon nap and I was so hungry I couldn't think. I had just had breakfast, and then a snack 3 hours before I woke up, but I felt like I hadn't eaten in a day. So I downed a whole tupperware container full of pasta and sauce from the night before. I felt full and happy, and went back to sleep happily.

I have these "free" foods I can eat, veggies, and some other things, but too many veggies and BLEAGH, we all know what happens then. And too much meat/cheese/protein and I put on too much weight.

Speaking of weight, tossing all the sugar from my diet caused me to LOSE 3-4 pounds in a week. But the waistline is ever expanding. Even to the point where I had to go buy bigger underwear. *grumble*

But this week the top of Baby's little home-for-now reaches my belly button, and its starting to look more like there is a baby in there and not just too much holiday food!

21 more days until we get that ultrasound, which is super exciting.

But right now, I have a long overdue date with my bed.

Sleepy time!

Getting use to being Mrs. Hegwood

And getting use to wearing a ring all the time, and calling him Husband, not boyfriend.

But all is going well. We got a bit of sad news after the wedding when his grandma passed away though. That put a bit of a damper on things.

In other news, I am back to work, and its like nothing has changed. Barely controled chaos and not the right supplies for the job. But I am managing the best I can.

Oh, right... you might want to see wedding pictures...

yup, thats us...

In baby news, we find out the gender on January 20th! *SQUEEEAL!!!!!!*  I can't wait.

And we heard the heartbeat on the 16th of December, so all is well in that department. A nice healthy 156.

The apartment hunt begins after the first of the year, and I can not WAIT! Our own space, where we actually HAVE space! what a concept!!!

Well, gotta keep this short, I need to go make a batch or two of fudge for the nurses where I work who are going to be stuck there on X-mas eve. Might even make some for the patients too!

Here, instead of words, Have some more pictures!

Brett, holding baby Dotty, Dan, Me (with baby bumpage showing BIG TIME), Colleene, Ruth (holding Grace) Nicole in the back and Pearl looking cute.

And instead of tossing the bouquet, I gave it to my cousins to divide up into three, so they could each have a bit. Turns out that was a great idea, since they were asking their mom if they could have the pretty flowers! I just kept one cala lily for me.

Blessings

So tomorrow is the big day. My wedding day.

I can't even find the words to say what that means to be, but thats ok, someone else said them first.



"In a world thats ragged with sorrow,
and every dream is stolen, begged or borrowed
blood flows in rivers on the evening news,
be it fortune or fate, there drowns me and you.
Ban we share the light
can we swear by all thats right,
to find a way?

I know today
I have a world of song
a will to carry on
and each new day the dawn shining through my window.
I have a morning breeze
that gently touches me
reason enough to believe in a tomorrow...

Each moment I embrace is precious and so new,
I treasure it more, than ever before
because I have you.


And every heart thats ever been broken,
starts to fear it will never re-open.
The walls of our pride don't always conceal
how the wounds rarely seem
to completely heal.
But you reached inside
saw the child who cried
and did not turn away.

I know today
I have a world of song
a will to carry on
and each new day the dawn shining through my window.
I have a morning breeze
that gently touches me
reason enough to believe in a tomorrow...


Each moment I embrace is precious and so new,
I treasure it more, than ever before
because I have you.

The love we feel is the gift that keeps us alive
with every breath I know my life
has been blessed by all the kindness
in your eyes.

I have a world of song
a will to carry on
and each new day the dawn shining through my window.
I have a morning breeze
that gently touches me
reason enough to believe in a tomorrow...


Each moment I embrace is precious and so new,
I treasure it more, than ever before
because I have you."

- Deidra McCalla

One week

One week from now, I will be getting married.

One week from now, my name will change, my life will change, and there will be no going back to who I was before. Sure, I will be the same person as far as personality goes, but my life will have this inexplicable change in it.

Love doesn't follow rules, love doesn't come and go at your bidding. Love is unexpected and unplannable. Love can sweep in like a breeze or roar through you like the fiercest hurricane. Love makes demands of you, love wants you to keep your promises. Even the ones you don't say out loud.


Do I love Dan? Yes, with all my heart. He is so perfectly matched for me, I don't know how I got along without him. Do I think he loves me? Yes. He says so every day, in words, and in those thousand little ways that don't need a single word spoken to be real.

He says he loves me when he tosses my clothes in with his when he does laundry, when he brings home from the store not only what I wanted, but something else I wanted that I didn't even ask for. He says it in the smile I get when I walk into the room, EVERY TIME I walk into the room. He says it in the way he comes to sit next to me when I go to bed before him. He says it in the way he listens to me when I am frustrated and upset, even if he doesn't know what to do about it, he still listens.

Right now, lots of things are frustrating and upsetting. I'm pregnant and one of the LOVELY side effects of that for me is the Stuffiest of Stuffy Noses. I mean, really, I have not been able to smell in OVER A WEEK. I can't breathe normally, I am blowing my nose all day long, I am cranky because its a bit scary that I can't breathe right and when I get to the point where I am sitting in bed whimpering because I don't know what else to do.... he comes over and hugs me, kisses me on the cheek and just sits there with me.

He complains about work, I complain about being bored and feeling trapped in my room since the house is a mess and its not MY mess. He gets cranky, I get cranky, he whines, I whine, he laughs, I laugh. His smile can light up a room for me. His bad moods just make me smile because I have to think of ways to make him laugh... I do my best to help him, and he tries to help me. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

All we can do in life is make the best decision in each moment based on what we know in that moment.

I know that I am making the best decision for a whole lot of moments. For a whole lot of days, months and years to come. You marry who you love right now, and grow to love whoever they become in all your years together. I know that no matter how things are 10 years from now, I will never regret marrying this guy. He is the best one for me, the one who fits me better than anything else I can imagine.

It might seem a little soon, it feels kinda rushed even to me, but it doesn't feel wrong. I know that no one else will ever fit this well with me.

Yea, it kinda makes a difference that we started a new little person together. That does color the situation, but if I didn't belive that he wanted to marry me just because I am me, I wouldn't have said yes. If I thought it was just about the kiddo, I would have made him wait. I know it isn't just about the munchkin, I know that if things had kept going as well as they were we would have ended up here anyways. Granted it would have been in the summer and the wedding would have been on the beach in the foggy sunshine of the Oregon coast... but hey, now we will have our baby's birthday to be celebrating on the coast, little thing IS due in the first week of June...

One more week, and my life changes forever. And I couldn't be happier about it.