Saturday, December 5, 2009

One week

One week from now, I will be getting married.

One week from now, my name will change, my life will change, and there will be no going back to who I was before. Sure, I will be the same person as far as personality goes, but my life will have this inexplicable change in it.

Love doesn't follow rules, love doesn't come and go at your bidding. Love is unexpected and unplannable. Love can sweep in like a breeze or roar through you like the fiercest hurricane. Love makes demands of you, love wants you to keep your promises. Even the ones you don't say out loud.

Do I love Dan? Yes, with all my heart. He is so perfectly matched for me, I don't know how I got along without him. Do I think he loves me? Yes. He says so every day, in words, and in those thousand little ways that don't need a single word spoken to be real.

He says he loves me when he tosses my clothes in with his when he does laundry, when he brings home from the store not only what I wanted, but something else I wanted that I didn't even ask for. He says it in the smile I get when I walk into the room, EVERY TIME I walk into the room. He says it in the way he comes to sit next to me when I go to bed before him. He says it in the way he listens to me when I am frustrated and upset, even if he doesn't know what to do about it, he still listens.

Right now, lots of things are frustrating and upsetting. I'm pregnant and one of the LOVELY side effects of that for me is the Stuffiest of Stuffy Noses. I mean, really, I have not been able to smell in OVER A WEEK. I can't breathe normally, I am blowing my nose all day long, I am cranky because its a bit scary that I can't breathe right and when I get to the point where I am sitting in bed whimpering because I don't know what else to do.... he comes over and hugs me, kisses me on the cheek and just sits there with me.

He complains about work, I complain about being bored and feeling trapped in my room since the house is a mess and its not MY mess. He gets cranky, I get cranky, he whines, I whine, he laughs, I laugh. His smile can light up a room for me. His bad moods just make me smile because I have to think of ways to make him laugh... I do my best to help him, and he tries to help me. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

All we can do in life is make the best decision in each moment based on what we know in that moment.

I know that I am making the best decision for a whole lot of moments. For a whole lot of days, months and years to come. You marry who you love right now, and grow to love whoever they become in all your years together. I know that no matter how things are 10 years from now, I will never regret marrying this guy. He is the best one for me, the one who fits me better than anything else I can imagine.

It might seem a little soon, it feels kinda rushed even to me, but it doesn't feel wrong. I know that no one else will ever fit this well with me.

Yea, it kinda makes a difference that we started a new little person together. That does color the situation, but if I didn't belive that he wanted to marry me just because I am me, I wouldn't have said yes. If I thought it was just about the kiddo, I would have made him wait. I know it isn't just about the munchkin, I know that if things had kept going as well as they were we would have ended up here anyways. Granted it would have been in the summer and the wedding would have been on the beach in the foggy sunshine of the Oregon coast... but hey, now we will have our baby's birthday to be celebrating on the coast, little thing IS due in the first week of June...

One more week, and my life changes forever. And I couldn't be happier about it.

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