on and on and on

I am getting my appetite back, YAY! Made nummy pasta tonight!

And I went out and tried on some dresses today, for the wedding. And I finished the invitations and am getting ready to send them out! Just collecting addresses.

So, wanna see the dress?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v518/juniperowl/IMG_0892.jpg

yup. Me in a wedding dress. Its not the best look on my face, but I LOVE the dress!

I will be going to try on one in my actual size on the 7th of November when my step mom comes up to help me with the dress thing. we might go try other ones on, but i think i like that one best.

I also got the paperwork for the Oregon Health Plan all turned in today, so that will be good to finally have. Then I get to go get my check up and see how the kiddo is doing. *fingers crossed*

I am just so happy too, and Dan's family is being so wonderful and welcoming to me, it makes me feel so good to know that they are happy about this.

I can't wait to meet his mom and dad when they come to the wedding.

My mommy is coming up to visit in a couple weeks, i am excited to get to see her. And my grandma too, they are coming to see my cousins new baby, who I also want to see. I just have not had the time yet, so I will make the time when mom is here to go see my new cousin Dorothy (Dotty).

So thats all the news for now!

All is going well for me, and im just happy that I feel like eating!!!

looking

We went and looked at two houses over the last two days. And house two looks GREAT! Its older, but wow it looks to be in decent shape for being lived in for 70 years. It needs some new paint and some work done, but its not that bad.

Im almost ready to get the stuff together for my OHP application. Which would be nice to have.

Besides all that, i need to start making calls about my cake and flowers for the wedding. I need to get the dang energy to DO that though. It feels like a HUGE task right now.

But I need to get that going so that it actually CAN happen. Oh, and work on designing my wedding invitations. I got the paper to print them on, and Kathy bought me a new printer to use! It's so nice, I am so excited.

But for now, just uploading some pictures of the house to send to mommy, then going to bed.

can't eat, can't sleep

Title says it all. I also am feeling drained, stressed, overwhelmed, cranky and weepy.

Work is making me nuts, calling me in at 10pm, which means I don't get home till after midnight, then I have to wake up at 5:45am to get back in there.

I just want a real weekend. But even on my so called days off, I still have the person who covers for me asking me about stuff over the phone.

Oh, and I want a bra with metal shielding. I swear, if I even LOOK at them funny, they hurt. Forget about having the cat launch himself onto them at 2am. *sigh* That was the quickest kitty launching out the door ever.

But I think I have a SMALL solution to the eating thing, I can DRINK! So I am drinking lots of stuff with fruit in it, and TRYING to eat when I can.

One more month to go, then it gets easier. Thats what they all say. I hope they are right.

week 8 starts

Today marks the beginning of week 8. Nothing much new to report. Wedding plans are slowly starting to happen. No energy to speak of, but still dragging my butt to work and home and then back to work again usually.

I am having trouble sleeping though. I can't get comfy, then I can't fall asleep, then my shoulders hurt, then my back hurts, then i have to pee, then i cant get comfy. I think all in all I am getting about 3 hours of sleep a night. I am napping in the late mornings to early afternoons to make up for lost sleep and keep away sleepy headaches.

Im having a hard time wanting to eat anything too, the constant nausea is making it hard to think about food in a positive light. Right now I am of the opinion that ANYTHING is better than nothing. So when I got a craving for pizza, it was lean pockets pepperoni! and then a peach.

I have those WIC vouchers to use, and I might use the milk and veggie ones soon. I have until the end of the month. But I don't know about the beans and whatnot ones, since I don't know what on earth I would DO with a bag of dried beans! Or brown rice... (which just tastes GROSS to me, its too fat and chunky feeling) or maybe I can find some other breed of brown rice that doesn't cook up in a way that feels odd to me.

Anyways, it's pouring rain here, so I am going to go give my sweetie a ride into work and then go raid the freezer section of Freddie's for food that I can cook and eat when I actually AM hungry.

oh no, whatever shall I do!

Today I have had a few times when I am hungry and the only thing that sounds good is ice cream. Isn't it terrible? I had to eat chocolate ice cream for breakfast! Oh, and vanilla for dinner (after a grilled cheese sandwich). I don't know HOW I will survive!

(If you can't tell, there is oodles of happy sarcasm in those words!)

I am working on gathering up all the stuff I need for the OHP thing. And I will be going back to work tomorrow now that THAT mess is cleared up. I hope it didn't get too insane while I was gone, leaving another mess for me to clean up.

Also, I will be applying to another job, one that is full time and pays better. I would like to not have the stress of getting up at 6am and not knowing when I will get called in all the time. As much as I love the people at Cedar Hills, I think I need something better. I was debating about even applying, knowing that in a few months I will be leaving for maternity leave, but it was put into perspective by someone pointing out that its not like its going to take tons of time to train me, and i will get a good 5 or 6 months out of the place before I need to take leave from being too BIG to lean over someone and draw their blood.

Anyways, I am off to go play some WoW and have fun with my friends before the headache sets back in.

sick, sleepy and OMG I am even annoying myself

i have been feeling sick for the last 4 days now, not too much time when I don't feel ill.

between bouts of THAT, I have been trying to gather up the stuff I need for the Oregon Health Plan, that I need to qualify but that they neglected to SAY in the application I HAD to have.

I did qualify for WIC and got the first of my vouchers, but found that not only do they have some VERY strict rules, but you have to buy things like Milk in 2 gallon increments, so you better have fridge space! Oh, and it isn't even enough food to make a real meal out of, unless you can fill yourself on just beans and milk. It isn't even enough food for a WEEK for a single person and nothing to make a decent meal out of without having to spend your own money on the expensive parts of the meal, like the meat. But I suppose anything helps. Oh, and you also better have time to cook!!! Cause the only things you can buy are dry beans, brown rice, raw sweet potatoes or yams, which need to cook for a long time. And the only bread you can get is TEENY TINY and hard to find in stores. You can get frozen veggies, but not too many, only 8 dollars worth of fresh or frozen a month. a mini loaf of bread, peanut butter, brown rice, dry beans, milk, two boxes of cereal... yea, it isnt much.

Also, work is messing up on stuff for me, so that is stressful enough that I don't even want to talk about it.

But still, my sweetie is the best. He just ran out to go pick up Chinese food for me! <3 him SO MUCH!!!

Dreams

I've started having weird dreams. Like the one I had during my nap yesterday, that someone kept trying to touch my belly and they wouldn't stop even when I asked them to. So I had to punch them in the face. But then they said I assaulted them and called the police on me. It was way weird for a dream.

Today I go down to the WIC office to see if I qualify for help with food. I hope I do since I need to be eating healthier but that is so expensive! I also sent in my application for the Oregon Health Plan on Saturday, and I should hear from them before 45 days pass. That seems like an awful long time to be waiting. Hopefully it comes sooner than that.

But my step mom sent me a sweet card today, and in it some fun gift cards. The Olive Garden card is sounding REAL good for dinner some night... do that never ending soup and breadsticks deal. I'm sure my lima bean would love that.

Dan made me chicken curry noodles last night, that was wonderful! He is such a sweetie and so helpful. I really appreciate him. I hope I tell him that often enough.

Today ends the 2 day ban on talking about the wedding, so maybe I can bug him about it tonight and get a guest list from him and we can pick the location so that me and Kathy can start planning the whole thing! I'm excited. Nervous too... But mostly excited.

bananas

I have wanted banana cream pie for DAYS now. It just sounded SO fantastic, but I needed a way to make it a BIT more healthy. So I wanted to share my idea to make a banana cream pie smoothie.

Its not exactly the same, but it works!

Bananas (duh)
Vanilla yogurt
One scoop Vanilla Ice Cream
pineapple/orange/banana juice

throw all that in the blender in whatever measurements make sense to you.

Blend

mmmm, its like a banana cream pie!!!

wow that made me happy. I feel so much better with my banana cream smoothie/milkshake thing.

just wanted to share that.

In other news, I wanted to go find a baby book today, so I looked at Michael's arts and crafts, but it seems the scrapbooking thing has taken over the world. I would try it, but to make it look really cool you need all sorts of expensive things! So I will pass on that and try a book store next.

I thought about the wedding a bit when I saw the wedding stuff at Michael's, and mostly it made me glad that I'm doing this thing small and tame. I don't even want to THINK about half the stuff I saw there! It all feels like this whole thing is going to be too big, too much, to huge and insane.

Ah well, I guess I just go along for the ride.

Sent off my application for the Oregon Health Plan today, so sometime in the next 45 days I will find out if I am eligable for the plan and if I get to go to the hospital I want to have my baby at. Too bad a birthing center is NOT on their list of places I can have a baby. I just want to get in for my first check up!!!

Not to mention that first ultrasound... *glee* little heartbeats and tiny little person!

48 hours of nothing

Well, while we might have picked a date for the wedding today and gotten some other plans worked out, we are putting everything on hold for 2 days. So, no announcing the date to the family until Monday, no talking wedding ANYTHING until Monday. Dan is feeling overwhelmed with everything and while I would feel better with it just slowly getting planned, he needs to take some time and NOT think about it.

So I will let him.

What else is new... Well, I met my soon to be brother-in-law and his wife. I was scared that I wouldn't be liked, or that they would somehow judge me for putting their family member in this situation (like it was somehow my fault alone) or some other dumb thing. But other than a hug that was awkward at first, it was good!

But I swear, I will never eat at that restaurant we went too again. The food was SO salty that halfway through my plate I needed to stop because my mouth was burning from the salt.

Today I found a new way of describing my energy level. It is the energy level of a particularly un-energetic rock. I also said that even falling down right now wouldn't work because giving in to gravity would take too much effort.

But on the happier side of things... My mom is looking in to buying a house and some property up here in the great Pacific Northwest and having me and Dan live on it and building herself a home on it. Which sounds great to me! We get a home, I get my mommy, and the baby gets his or her grandma for a babysitter.

Anyways, I need to get back to doing...something.... while I wait for my blankets to dry so I can go pass out in bed. No, really, I was going to do something but I can't remember what it was. And apparently this memory problem only gets worse during the pregnancy. Lovely.

Meeting (some of) the family

In just a moment here Dan and I are heading out to go have dinner with his brother and his wife. It will be the first time meeting anyone else from Dan's family. I am a little nervous, but I know that it will be ok.

Also, its at a restaurant, and that means food. Right now, anything that has to do with food is a GREAT thing!

Will post about how it went later on.

Thanks Kathy!

I got home today and found the book, Thank You!

My stepmom sent me a copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting. Now I get to read in even more detail than the web site all the "fun" stuff that is going to happen to me. And scare myself out of my mind about the birth. Oh, better yet, I can make Dan read it and see how big his eyes get!

But really, thank you Kathy. I appreciate it. I have a feeling I will be turning to it quite often as I ask, "Is this NORMAL?"

For the record...

Just had to share that I have the sweetest guy. Even as I type, he is off doing laundry and including mine. Without me asking, without saying "hey, can i wash this with the darks?". He is just that sweet and caring, to think to wash my stuff when he does his.

Even before a week ago he did this, every day when I would think "gee, i should wash some clothes today" I would come home to find that he already had.

I love this guy!

soooo sleeeeepy

Just like the title says, sleepy.

Reading blogs and info about being pregnant says this normal, but oh how I wish for even a fraction of my energy back. I feel like I am dragging my legs through lead to stay awake, then other moments I am awake like normal and just fine.

I'm also noticing my hunger patterns changing. Before it was a slow build up to being super hungry, I had time, an hour or so before I was ready to gnaw at anything I could get into my mouth. Now it's about a 15 minute time lapse between when I go "huh, I'm hungry" to wanting to eat anything I can get my hands on. I bet this is why they think pregnant people eat weird things, they just get so hungry that ANYTHING resembling food gets to be eaten, even if it happens to be munching on a pickle while you get yourself that bowl of ice cream you REALLY wanted, just to keep you from screaming in frustration at how long it actually takes to scoop a bowl of ice cream. Or snacking on while you wait for your dinner to finish cooking. This morning I had yogurt for breakfast, and rice cakes, then more yogurt on the ride home after 2 hours at work. I got home, fell asleep again, woke up and all in the same moment I was hungry, had to pee, was dying of thirst and STILL felt like falling asleep. THAT was a confusing set of feelings.

Whattoexpect.com is telling me that I get to look forward to hair growth on my head increasing, but also hair growth in other places too, or even NEW places. As long as I don't have a hairy back or anything, I don't see a problem.

I'm waiting for a copy of my birth certificate to come and then I need to make a copy of some cards and I can apply for the oregon health plan. which i will be really glad for when i am OK'd for it. I want to find a doctor and get to know them while I still have time to find another, just in case!

Also my sweetie and I started talking about some wedding plans, decided on a few things, but nothing that will give us a date or location yet. I wish I felt like I had the energy to plan a wedding. I really do, but I think I might have to just get my stepmom in on this and my aunt and let them help me out.

So i guess that's it for today! I'm going to go raid the fridge and see what I can find! Sooooo hungry.

And then, i think its naptime again.

The start of week 6

Well, at least thanks to whattoexpect.com I know I am not a freak. One of the symptoms of this whole pregnancy thing is increased sense of smell. I guess this is why I smelled a banana at 15 feet, smelled my dirty socks from yesterday halfway across the room, and why I am stocking up on mint gum. So far it seems to help kill that sense of smell so I am not wrinkling up my nose all the time.

Now, quick aside, WHY do they call it a symptom? Lack of a better word perhaps. I mean, if you have a flu, you have symptoms. If you have a disease, you have symptoms. I guess they could call it a side effect? I mean, being pregnant is not a disease you have symptoms for! Things like being a super-sniffer, feeling pukey, peeing all the damn time... those are just lovely little things that go along with the little lima bean inside me.

As far as the nausea thing goes, I have not lost my lunch (or breakfast, or dinner) yet, but I do have those "Oh no, no no no, no, please don't let me puke" moments from time to time.

But I have wanted to eat EVERYTHING! One reason, the kiddo, the other reason though is that I can smell so much better right now, as long as it smells GOOD to me, it also tastes good too. I mean, it tastes GOOD! I wish I could have a buffet of my favorite foods in front of me RIGHT NOW so I could eat everything with this super sense I now have. But I do get it for 8 more months, enough time to eat everything I want to try.

My sweetie, Dan, has been wonderful too. With a smile and a comment about not testing his culinary skills TOO much, he says he will make me soups and nummy things to eat at home! I've already put in some requests! (And he already made me these great curry noodles from a cookbook I got him as an early birthday present.)

My little lima bean has also been the cause of some funny feeling not-quite-cramps that I thankfully discovered are totally normal. But they really feel funny and make me jump up when they hit.

On the more not-so-fun side of things, I am waiting on my application to the Oregon Health Plan, and as we speak (as I type?), sitting on hold with WIC so I can get some food assistance. Also, we are starting to look at apartments around here and becoming discouraged. The move in fees alone would amount to 3 months worth of rent! But with a little hope and some real looking we might be able to find something.

I also made the mistake of looking at baby stuff. Strollers, car seats, cribs, changing table... *sigh* so much money. But, really, who needs a changing table? The bed works just fine if you put a blanket down. And a stroller? HAH! I'm sure I can just get a little red wagon, right?

After spending some time crying, I decided to just let go for now. Just try to relax and not think too hard about it. There is no sense worrying about what I can't change right now, and in the end, I know everything will work out for the best.

Oh, to end on a lighter note, I told my Aunt Judy about all this yesterday and she was happy for me. Just talking to her made me happy, and seeing how excited she was to get to tell my cousin and his family about it made me feel like maybe this will all turn out ok.

and so it begins

wow. just, wow.

On October 1st, 2009 I found out I was going to have a baby. I had had some suspicions for a couple days before, and took a pregnancy test at home. It came up positive and with that looming in my mind, I headed off for work. I thought about that little line on the test on my way into work and for the few hours I was there. I decided that even though through my job I am technically able to read a pregnancy test and confirm a result, I really wanted someone else to confirm mine.

I headed back toward home and called Bev on my way and told her what was going on. After the initial shock she was amazingly supportive and sweet. I got there half an hour early and spent 30 long minutes sitting in the parking lot of the Pregnancy Resource Center.

The people there were fantastic and kind and so sweet and just wonderful. They got a new test for me right away and I spent a while talking to a wonderful lady there. After a while she went to go read the test and came back into the room carrying a basket of homemade baby booties, "Would you like to pick out a pair?" she asked.

"Is that a yes?"

Her smile and "yes, it's a yes" were an amazing thing to see and hear. I laughed, I cried, I cried some more in joy and fear and just confusion. Then I panicked. How was I going to tell Dan, my boyfriend? I mean, I didn't get into this ALONE!!!

***

A few hours later, some thinking later... deciding that coming home and asking "so sweetie, do you prefer Dad, Daddy, or Papa?" was NOT going to be the best approach I arrived home to see my sweetie playing on the computer.

I made sure he was in a good mood, then dragged him over to the bed to snuggle up with me for a moment. Sounding way more sure than I really was I simply said "I need to tell you something and I hope you don't run screaming into the streets when I say it... *deep breath* I'm pregnant."

He froze, I started to tear up, he resumed mobility and rubbed my back while we sat there in stunned silence. I don't remember much of what happened next other than the promises to be there for me, to not leave me to deal with this alone, to support me always and take care of me.

I had to go out of the house for a bit then to pick up my check from work, and he sat at home and thought. I came home, we went to the store, we came home, he decided he needed to get out for a bit to think. I decided to call my mother.

After talking to my mom and feeling much better about things my sweetie came home.

Amidst a flood of tears and sweet words, hand holding and much outpouring of love, along with an assurance that he was thinking this way even before the baby thing happened, he proposed to me.

So not only am I going to be a mom, but I'm going to get married too.

And Honestly, I couldn't be happier.

So I am going to keep this blog updated with all the stuff I'm going through, learning, and living as I head forward on my journey toward being a wife and a mother. Each one of those would have been enough on it's own, but both at once is... wow. Just WOW!

And as for the title of the blog, well, right now my baby is about the size and shape of a lima bean, so it's my little lima bean. I know soon enough it will be bigger, but I think part of me will always think of it as the little lima bean that started this all.

Just starting on week 6, 34 more weeks to go!