Thursday, March 25, 2010

Goodbye Wooper

I took Hope to her new home today. The lady is really nice and she seems genuine. I will be going to check on Hope in a week. I want to make her a blanket and some toys to have.

Plus a toy for the lady's other doggie, she has a pug who seems thrilled to have a buddy.

I hope all goes well for her. I'll miss that dumb little dog, but its better for everyone.

After that Dan and I went to the store and got some things we needed. One of those shelves that goes over the potty, and a mirror for the shower for him. We also got some of those neat canisters for the kitchen, to keep stuff in and some sort of fancy cheese grater that might take off some layers of skin if you use it wrong. We also stopped to get a rug for the living room floor and one for the baby's room.

The kitchen looks so empty without Hope's kennel and corral in the corner to fill it up. But she now has more space to run.

I know we will get a dog again, but this time it won't be a damaged one. I need a normal dog, not one that I have to diaper and stress out about. Maybe a corgi, or something else small and trainable. Something that is good with kids, so my little guy can have a doggie buddy. Every kid needs a dog to grow up with. It teaches them compassion and love, devotion and how to care for something else.

Plus there is always the lesson of the little boy who was asked why animals don't live as long as people do. His reply was "Because they already know how to love." I want my boy to grow up knowing that unconditional love that a dog can give. And some day I will get a bigger dog again. A lab or weimeriner, one of those nice devoted bigger dogs that keep you company when you go walking in the creek or hiking around in the woods. Just like my Rosie dog did with me.

I know its not goodbye forever to Hope, the lady promised I can see her again and come visit, and I know I will do that. So, goodbye for now Wooper, see you soon my little dumb doggie. Enjoy your new family and be good to them.

Edit: After just 4 days the lady decided that Hope was not a good fit for her family and asked me to take her back. I am now once again looking for a home for her. 

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Black and Blue!

We had a busy day.

We woke up, made coffee, then Dan called a bunch of places looking for a pick and pull with a car that matched mine.

Down in Sherwood, about 45 minutes away we found a 2000 Saturn, and they used the same body on that one as for mine, so we got the hood. Its blue. Not black like mine. And it had a little dent in it. But it works.

So we got that switched out for my hood and then headed back into Portland for our ultrasound.

I will find out in the next week how things are going with his size, but one of the things we got for this ultrasound is a NEW picture!!!

We couldn't get a good one of his face for a while, we finally got an ok one, then she whips out this other ultrasound wand and the picture on the screen looks like a whole bunch of nothing for a while, then she hits a button and.....

Poof, there he is. A 3D image of my little guy with his hand up across his cheek.

Now we are home, and dead tired. I am nuking some dinner and trying to decide what I am going to do with the rest of the night.

But I wanted to be sure to share that little face with everyone.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Home Sweet Home

Well, Raven got a new home today. I found her a place with a disabled veteran. He seems really nice, and she took to him right away.

It was hard though. I feel a lot of guilt that I could not make the cats get along. I tried anything and everything that I could think of, but it was not getting better, only worse. Then for her to attack me, it made me worry about the baby.

In the end Dan even agreed with me that this was best for everyone. I know it broke his heart, and it broke mine too.

The guy, Stephen, said to stay in contact with him, that we are welcome to see her any time. I think I might take him up on this. He even offered a hand of friendship to me and Dan, and I appreciate that. I think he needs friends, which is why he wanted a cat.

So, I think things will calm down around here a lot, and within a few days Katchoo will be able to see that she can leave her box and not be attacked, she will get use to Tulip I believe... Soon enough all the pets in our home will be at peace.

I went back to work today after a 2 week break due to the car, and then B* changing my schedule around. I am ok with just working weekends, it won't be so bad. It was nice to see the people there again. Even if the patients seem to have gotten weirder and more complainy. But hey... its something. Right?

I get my next ultrasound on Wednesday and hopefully will have some new pictures to post then. For now, the one and only outfit that I HAD to get for my little guy myself. We have been holding off on buying ANYTHING until we see what others are giving as hand me downs and other gifts, but this was too good to pass up on.
My Puppy! Official Best Friend!

More to come soon. Send your good thoughts and wishes to Raven, and Dan. I know everything will be ok, but its still hard to say goodbye.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Smuggling Basketballs

With a nod to my friend Andrew Hughes, and his lovely wife Jessica,


This tummy is getting huge.

So, we got the car fixed enough to be driveable. Which means I can go back to work, but when I called them to tell them that, they decided that even though I can go back, they are cutting my hours back to working just 2 days a week. Since they want the other guy to see if he can handle my job. He already is annoyed at the same things that drove me nuts. The lack of supplies and lack of anyone who gives a damn about that.

My most recent prenatal visit was yesterday and all is well. He is measuring about the right size with the not-so-perfect test of stretching a measuring tape over my belly. So, since this time I had the GOOD midwife (Luv you Lisa!!!) she decided to do another ultrasound just to make sure he is not growing too fast.

She also was reviewing my chart and found some orders for lab tests that no one else had paid attention too and so they had never been drawn. So next Wednesday when I go in for the ultrasound, afterward I get to go across the hall and get more blood drawn. I actually think its kinda fun now, cause I can make the other phlebotomists nervous if I tell them that thats my job too, so I wait until after they are done, then they all want to know if they were any good.... *sigh* didn't anyone teach them that 80% of being a phlebotomist is confidence? 20% is skills, the rest of it is KNOWING you are good enough. Since you ARE sticking needles in people... you BETTER think you are the best dang phlebotomist in your state, just to have that confidence to put your patients at ease.

And in other news, I finally got some pictures onto this computer of the baby's room, so without making you all wait...

 And here is the crib and the lovely glider chair,

 And finally, just because I can, daddy putting the chair together while I folded baby clothes,

 It is so much fun to get his room looking like a baby's room.

And thank you Dad and Kathy for the chair and the changing table. Thank you Grammy Wanda for the crib, Thank you Saskia and Bob for the bedding, Thank you Mommy for the chair and the swing, and Thank you Wanda.Damian (Jean) for the cute lamb chair (took me a while to figure out who that was from! I finally found the order slip in the package!) Oh, and Grammy Wanda again for clothes and toys and books, Aunt Jean for the cute outfit, Nicole for the sleepers and swaddling wraps and that great blanket... And for my Aunt Judy, who showed me how to read a pattern well enough to crochet baby booties. I'm working on writing my own pattern for booties now that I learned how to start them. And for Barbera, for the bassinet that has held many an adored family member in it for their first few weeks... it warms my heart to think about putting my little guy to sleep in that on his first night home.

In this adventure I am starting on, I am just so grateful for my family and friends, and all the people who have given us their time and energy and friendship... You all are making this a warm and happy home for my little guy. Thank you.

Next post: More pictures, and maybe ultrasound ones too!

Saturday, March 6, 2010

just one thing

Insurance won't cover any damages. It's all on me.

Until I have the money to get it fixed, I can't go to work. But if I can't work, I don't get any money.

I am listing some stuff online to sell, things I made, jewelry I made, stuff like that... on

But right now I feel like, what is the point?

What do I even think I am doing?

I can't even seem to file my damned taxes since each time I try on H&R Block's web site, I get a "Server Error in '/hrblock' Application" and their tech support consists of chat live with a bot and screw you, we won't even give you a phone number. 

Right now, there is part of me that just wants to go jump in the ocean and swim away from everything.  

How am I supposed to afford this? How am I supposed to manage this? 

Oh, and best news of all, apparently my dog barks like crazy when a baby cries. This is not looking promising. 

And my cat still can't even come out of the bathroom since every time she does she gets attacked. 

I just.... I just want one thing to go right. I want to redo yesterday. But I can't. I can't even get to the damn grocery store right now. Not without a car. And I can't drive mine until the hood goes back to its normal place. I am about to just smash it back into place myself and duct tape the damn thing down. Just so I can go to work. But I'm sure in the end that would wind up costing me more than if I just let some shop fix it. 

I don't even know anymore.... 

Friday, March 5, 2010

Yesterday we put together his changing table/dresser and Dan decided to put together the glider chair as well.

It is starting to look more like a baby's room now!

But today, not so happy...

Today, I managed to get into an accident on my way home from work. I tried to stop and it was like my brakes just didn't want to work right. Lucky that no one was hurt. All seems to be ok, but my car is a little ouchy. I am waiting on a call back from the insurance people to get it looked at and see what we can do about repairs. I can't drive it the way it is right now, so I had to call into work and tell them to have someone else cover my days at Cedar Hills until I can drive it again. The hood got bent up, and is partially blocking my view. I'm scared, I can't stop crying, but that is what insurance is FOR, so I am even happier that I JUST renewed my policy and switched it to Oregon. Hopefully Progressive is good with handling claims. I even submitted pics to a local well known and good repair place with a lifetime guarantee of their work... I will probably hear back from them tomorrow about their estimate.

I don't even know what exactly happened. Either she stopped too fast, or I didn't stop fast enough. She is fine, I am ok, her car looks perfect, like nothing happened to it. My hood is crunchy and my headlight is broken. I can't stop shaking and crying. I checked my blood sugar when I got home and its super high right now. I wonder if the diabetes was messing with me? I don't know. I know if its too high I get dizzy. Maybe thats what happened.

Maybe I shouldn't drive anymore until after the baby gets here. But I have to work... I don't even know how I am supposed to pay for any extra cost that comes up. I am just so scared right now. I hope the accident wasn't caused by some reaction to high blood sugar. But I also hope it wasn't caused by my brakes being messed up because right now I don't know which one would be worse.

I just want the insurance guy to call so I can get that over with and then go cry in a corner for a while. I'm just glad no one was hurt. But damnit, I am shaking like a leaf right now.

I want to be a little girl again and cry and go get my mommy to make it all better. But I'm the mommy now, I have to deal with this all and figure out what went wrong and make sure it doesn't happen again. I have to be grown up about this and not break down, even though it scares me to think that something might have been wrong with me to cause this. I know I had a headache and felt kinda cruddy, like I do when I go too long without eating. Maybe my sugar was low, and then it went up with the panic. Panic can do that. Or maybe it was too high. I don't know.

I just know that I want this to never have happened. But I can't fix that.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Lies, Glyburide, and a worried mom.

I got a phone call this afternoon from a midwife from the clinic who said that due to my blood sugars that have been off, they wanted to put me on a medication to manage it better. Not insulin, Glyburide.

So I asked a normal question... "Are there any side effects?" and she answered "None, just lower blood sugar!"

I asked why not put me on insulin? She said that I didn't need it, and that if I went on insulin I would be considered a high risk pregnancy and therefor no longer able to see someone from the clinic for my care and at the time I go into labor. 

They called the script into my pharmacy and I went to pick it up. Turns out they had not ACTUALLY called it in, so I had to straighten out that mess in the store, then wait, then drive back to pick it up.

It was at this time that the first red flag got noticed. The pharmacist told me about a bunch of possible side effects, and some that are pretty much guaranteed to happen if I take the medication and DON'T eat within half an hour. Then, the instructions on the bottle were wrong... they said "Take 30 minutes AFTER dinner" when in truth, it is supposed to be "Take 30 minutes BEFORE dinner".

I got home from the pharmacy and read the papers for the pills. I did some research online... I found out that the manufacturer of the drug does NOT recommend that it be used by pregnant or breastfeeding women because there have not been enough studies done. 

So, long story short... I feel like I was lied to by one of the midwives. And at this point, I think I might need to find someone to see for prenatal care and as a person to deliver the baby who will let me be on insulin and it may be no great loss to not be going to that place.

But we have an appointment there tomorrow, so I will talk to the person who I spoke to on the phone. I will tell her what I found, including all the research I printed out, and tell her that it made me feel upset because it was a lie that I was told, that there were no side effects to the pills.

Needless to say, I didn't take them tonight. It isn't just my life in my hands anymore, it is HIS life too. And I don't want to do anything to me or him without knowing the full story of what is going on.

Will update tomorrow about what happens at the clinic. Wish me luck!
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