Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I hate being right...

I am going to have to go buy formula today. Soon.

Every two hours, all night long, I pumped. And between 2 and 10 am I got a TOTAL of 4 ounces out.

I tried to breastfeed him last night, and he screamed the whole time. I tried the nipple shield, and he used that then just refused to suck hard enough to make anything happen, then of course, cried because he was hungry.

I can't feed my own son. Not enough anyways.

I will keep trying to pump, and feed him that before any formula every day.

I feel like I failed him. That there is something wrong with me. I am not good enough for him. I know this isn't really true. But it still breaks my heart to do this.

I still have some things I can try to do to make more milk happen, they just require things that I don't have yet. But I do have the larger parts ordered, so any day now... and I will try some other things, herbal teas and supplements that even La Leche League say are safe to use.

Maybe some of it is stress. Once I can calm down...... maybe.

But once Dan gets back with his coffee I will head out to the store and come home with formula for my boy. I still have two ounces of milk to feed him first, and then I will try to pump again when I am not stressed out. Maybe I just panicked too much last night, feeling desperate for any drop of milk.

AUGH!! I don't even know what to THINK right now.

I know I am not a failure, I know he will still love me, and still get SOME milk, and anything is better than nothing. Plus he went for three weeks on nothing but my milk and gained weight and everything... It's just NOW that is the problem.

We shall see what happens next.

1 comment:

  1. I think the most important thing to do is relax. That will help your milk let down. Fenugreek tea is great, and so are tuna and carrots. I think relaxing enough to have your milk let down everytime you nurse is the most important one, and it is hard to master. Does your milk ever let down when he cries? I remember I had to have a visual in the beginning with Trudy. I found this great pic of a woman with twins nursing them at the breast at the same time. I appreciated the visual inspiration when there were times I couldn't relax. I think if you keep at it, it will be okay. I would not buy formula unless it was ordered by a doctor. Trudy and many babies are the same way...they have to be retaught many of times(which is completely within developmental range) or get frustrated with the learning and hunger pains and growing pains....(normal too)...I would just start nursing him all the time. You had success today, go with it. Your body will start producing much more when you nurse more, within 24 hours. Oh, and drink lots of fluids. I know you can do this:)


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