Wednesday, June 9, 2010

A Moment

A week ago right now I was sitting in the hospital bed just starting to feel contractions from the pitocin. I was playing cards with my mom and watching Dan nap on the couch.

since the birth of my son everything has been like a whirlwind.

We picked a pediatrician for him, only to get into the office with him 5 days old for his first check up, to be told "You can't be seen here" because of the insurance we had. I brought my 5 day old baby into a space with sick kids, I put him at risk, and I swear I had told them over the phone what insurance we had. I was LIVID. If there had not been kids around, I would have unleashed the wrath of a new mom with not enough sleep for 6 days on that woman's rear end.

That was the first issue. Now on its way to being resolved, though we will have to wait for Providence to assign him a pediatrician. THEN we can make an appointment.

And the next issue came up that he started refusing my nipple at feeding time. He was hungry, he would latch on, suck for a moment, then open his mouth and scream like a banshee. After fighting him on it for a long time it suddenly dawned on me that he had not eaten in 8 hours!!!! I panicked, I was the worst mom in the world, what was happening? So I pulled out the breast pump and pumped frantically, having Dan give him a bottle with the milk from only one side while I worked on the other side.

And of course this all happens on a Sunday. When NO ONE is in the office at the lactation clinic to give us some help. We did the best we could and of course made sure he was fed. I kept trying the breast but he was having none of it.

We did get to see a lactation consultant on Tuesday and she had us try a nipple shield which seemed to work ok. The only issue with it is that it tends to peel away from my skin and wrap around his little face when he is feeding. We are offering him the breast with the shield first, but having a bottle back up just in case for feeding times. At least its a bottle of MY milk, not formula. He has still only had breast milk.

Of course now I am  trying to figure out how I can make sure we always have enough for a bottle and still have enough at a time to feed him. I have three bottles worth stored, one in the fridge from last night, and two in the freezer. Everything he isn't finishing at the end I am pumping out (if he eats with the shield) and I am pumping each feeding time.

Which it seems to be time for again.

It seems like just as soon as I get him fed and changed and content, then its time to feed him again. I have not been getting enough sleep. And it will get harder when Dan goes back to work tomorrow. But I have help if I need it.

This is the biggest challenge I have ever faced. But my love for this little baby just keeps reaching out to overshadow any tiredness, any cranky moment, any frustration. I never knew a heart could HOLD this much love in it and not burst.

Off to go feed my little man! He looks a little cranky today, even asleep...


  1. Jessie, I wish I could get there sooner! I will arrive on the evening of the 16th, and can stay until Monday afternoon, the 21st. I will help all I can, do dishes, whatever you need. Oh, and yes, of course I am looking forward to seeing Liam and you and Dan. I can't wait!

    Grandma Julie

  2. Grandma Julie - that sounds good!

    Congrats on Liam, he is amazing!
    Oh do I remember the pump/ feed schedule! We had a hard time breastfeeding (it took 6 weeks before we were released from the Lactation Consultants). They had me on a 3 hour schedule. It wound up breaking down like this: Feed both sides (45 minutes in the beginning), Pump(20 per side), drink water like crazy because I am thirsty, try to figure out how to pee and hold the baby, then back to feeding again. It gets better. It even starts to feel so natural you wonder how/why moms ever dealt with bottles! You are doing everything right. enjoy that baby!


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